Processed with VSCO with b5 presetI sat in front of a blank screen for a whole hour, typing then retyping, then erasing, over and over. I didn’t really know how in depth I wanted to get into this tough topic for me but honestly I think one day I’ll pour out my past on here but today is not that day.

Before I say anything I just want to say that I’m not the type of person that wants pity or wants anyone to feel bad for me. If I am sharing a struggle it’s because I realize god had put me through that for a reason and I’ve come to terms with that.

There is something from my past that completely changed who I was as a person. Being as low to the ground a human could feel, that was me. When I looked into the mirror I didn’t see someone who is strong, beautiful, and happy. But someone dejected and angry. Angry for letting myself get so low. Letting a situation and other humans influence who I am and how I saw myself.

In the past I started struggling with self love and respect for myself. Trying so hard to deny my feelings I tried finding that love in other people and that was the worse thing I could have done. I got involved in many things before I even reached close to the age of 18 and that messed me up even more. I started comparing my life and my appearance  to others around me and becoming someone unknown. Someone I didn’t even recognized.

Your probably thinking yeah yeah everyone is insecure and feels bad about themselves  but that’s not what I’m getting at. I think I did a pretty good job with making myself appear extremely happy and confident which I think helped me get to a better place. By just trying my hardest to not feel bad about myself. I have never been really happy about my physical image and I think lots of people struggle with this. At one point I became obsessed with altering my image that I went to extreme measures to look a certain way that isn’t healthy. And mentally, constantly stressing myself out thinking “you can do better” or “your not trying hard enough”.

I battled with this self love issue for quite some time. A time no one knows about. A time where externally I appeared to be this carefree confident individual but mentally I was struggling. I took a poll on Instagram asking if I should post something personal and 100% of the responses were yes. I don’t want my blog to be this unrelatable place where people are put off by all the edited photos. I want you all to know me as a person and get to know me. Many people that read my blog have known me since grade school or even since diapers but I promise you none of you completely know who I am. I have so many stories I hope to find the courage to tell because I think many people could relate to situations I have been through.

Most definitely I am a very different person today, most of this is past tense. But making the change of moving to a huge city by myself has been a struggle for me and my self love issues. Recently, I have started to feel low again, just because it’s hard sometimes being so far away from people you love and suddenly your in this huge city alone. But then I think no. No, I cannot feel bad about this because I am strictly doing this for me and my future, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I have met AMAZING friends so far that help me get to a better place mentally.

The difference between myself now and then is that I know to look in the mirror and erase bad thoughts, know that I AM beautiful, I AM strong, I AM healthy and I AM happy. I cannot let anything effect that and my process. I stare knowing I am a work of art and God created me to be my own kind of beautiful. And I am extremely thankful to be who I am. LOVE YOURSELF.

xo, Chloe


One thought on “Self-Love

  1. You are amazing!! Always look in the mirror and realize your worth. You are gorgeous, you are so incredibly loved. Love you girly I’m glad you finally see yourself the way everyone else sees you. ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

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